Late at night, just before you fall asleep, you might be frustrated because you realise how alone and confused you feel; a feeling that you are getting used to by now.
Mainly, we want to be treasured and loved by those closest to us. We want to be treated with kindness and with a soft heart by our spouses or just by men in general. This is just how we were created; we want to be appreciated and seen for who we are behind our masks, unique and beautiful.
This is exactly the way I used to feel when I was in the wrong relationship.
All I wanted was for him to tell me how special I was and let me know, on a daily basis, how much he loved me and only me. But I didn’t realise that this longing wasn’t something that he could fulfil. I had to go on a journey and find the truth behind my desire.
This deep desire is one of the biggest reasons why so many of us fall into wrong relationships. Each moment that you are in this relationship is far better than being on your own, because now you do not have to find the truth behind your consuming thoughts. Even though he lacks the Character that you want in a mate, you stay with him because fixing and moulding him into the man that you desire him to be gives you some sort of satisfying feeling of being needed. “I have a task to do,” you may think to yourself. It seems as though he truly likes you and therefore it is a good enough reason for you to marry him. But what so many women do not realise is that after a few years of marriage, you are stuck with that same feeling that used to drive you to tears; you feel neglected and alone again.
Some women might even fall in love with a man in one single night for the very simple reason that he made them feel unique and beautiful; he managed to steal their heart with a few charming words. When they finally realize that he says this to all the girls, they are left feeling silly and sad for believing him, which makes the rejection feel far worse than it really is. The hollow feeling inside becomes ever-consuming again, which drives them to find the next man who might take away this horrible and sickening sensation.
When God made you, He loved every part of you He created, even your quirky, silly bits, the parts of you that you sometimes feel you have to change to fit the perfect model mould. You are His beloved daughter no matter what. Only He can fill this void inside and give you the affirmation you need to blossom in life and realize that you deserve to be truly loved. Your father may not have given you those affirming words that you needed to believe in yourself when you were younger; he might not have told you that you are funny, beautiful and interesting enough to be pursued by a Godly man. Only God can restore the wound that your father left when he forgot to tell you these very important things.
The look in a young woman’s eyes when her father smiles at her and tells her how breathtaking she looks speaks volumes of how important this is to every young girl. She will search for this affirmation all her life, until she stops and looks at the heavens where He sits and waits for her to realize how lovely He thinks she is. Then and only then can she choose the right mate to marry, and know that her husband will have the character and understanding to do this for her own daughter one day.
This little girl will be able to embrace God’s love and not run from Him. She will understand what it means to be adored.
He loves you, daughter of God; He loves every bit of you. Lift up your head and know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
Originally published in the print edition of DIVINE Magazine, Issue 02.
